So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
