its not stalking. its research.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
