all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize