it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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