i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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