It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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