I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
