We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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