We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
