yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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