Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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