Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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