I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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