My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize