bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
