Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize