i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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