i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
