Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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