I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
