so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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