No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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