I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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