New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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