My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
