Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
