he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
