If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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