No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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