if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
