I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
