Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize