I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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