When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
