dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize