2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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