i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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