Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
