I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
