i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Operation Purity has been aborted
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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