then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
