I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
