need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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