oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
