Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
