I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
