I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
