sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
