I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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