i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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