My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
