i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
