Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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