he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
