eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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