week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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