Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
