My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
