im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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