WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
