Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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