It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize