You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize