She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
